The Automatik

Something is wrong with the world when I start feeling less annoyed by crappy bands like Korn, Rage Against the Machine, or Crazy Town in the face of bands like Godsmack, Full Devil Jacket, and Linkin Park. Even Moby and Gwen Stefani now seem appealing. At least Gwen is a more positive role model than the singer from Snake River Conspiracy. Wes Borland from Limp Bizkit (you know, the one that looks like a mime on crack) has a new album out called Big Dumb Face. And while I am sure that it is more than his face that is dumb, even that doesn’t turn my stomach like Mudvayne, who must be seen and heard to be believed. MTV2 has a special on this week about “new artists” and Mudvayne is being spotlighted. Riiiiiiight. They are artists in the way an infant is an artist when it craps in its diaper.
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The most appalling video that I have seen recently, and probably of all time, is Robbie Williams’ “Rock D.J.”
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I broke my promise not to watch the Oscars this year, but only because I wanted to see Benicio del Toro. It was actually a lot less cheesy than I thought, although I’m still groaning over the fact that Gladiator won anything except Best Special Effects. Steve Martin’s one-liners were refreshingly funny and I hope he’s back next year, because Billy Crystal’s cornball song and dance numbers have grown pretty tiresome. I was cracking up when he quipped, “I hope my plastic surgery will heal in time for the Oscars” and the camera cut to Michael Douglas. If only it had cut to Winona Ryder when he jokingly lamented how hard it is to keep a relationship going in Hollywood because you “sleep with so many other people.”
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I have said many times lately that the music industry has gone so far in its crassness and sheer vulgarity, that the only logical next step is for bands to start killing each other and/or audience members on stage. The creators of 15 Minutes seem to have reached a similar conclusion. However, I found the movie somewhat disappointing and I wish that it had focused less on instant celebrity and more on the masses who devour the most grotesque side of humanity as entertainment. For all of its preaching on the pitfalls of fame, the big-name cast of 15 Minutes (Robert DeNiro, Charlize Theron, Kelsey Grammer) was distracting. It actually weakened the message of the movie, one which seemed to shout that the famous always get their come-uppance.
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Jude Law is one of the most gorgeous creatures ever to smolder across the big screen. Yeah, but can he act? Law’s career has been dominated by roles as the handsome, cocksure bastard with the devastating grin. But as Vassili Zietsev, the sniper hero of the Red Army, Law doesn’t have much to smile about. His kill record is impressive and thousands worship him, but the Nazis have already destroyed Stalingrad and it is not a pretty sight.
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Forget Oasis. If you really want to hear the legacy of the Beatles, you should listen to Sloan. I hate to even compare them to anyone, but trust me, it’s fitting. It’s a crime that Creed and Limp Bizkit CDs have sold a gazillion copies because Sloan are the saviors of rock and roll music that we’ve all been waiting for.
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