The Automatik

The most appalling video that I have seen recently, and probably of all time, is Robbie Williams’ “Rock D.J.”

Now I know that Robbie didn’t direct this himself although I’m sure the director didn’t have to try too hard to get Mr. Williams to mug like a monkey and dance like Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights. The vid features Our Hero in the center of a very hip roller rink chewing the scenery like nobody’s business as bored, anorexic supermodels with tinted sunglasses, feathered hair, and hot pants float by. Surprisingly, his antics do not attract their attention, even when he strips down to black bikini underwear with a snarling jungle animal on the crotch, thus giving new meaning to the phrase “crouching tiger, hidden dragon.” “Robbie” even pulls back the front of his scanties and peers into them quizzically while grinding with abandon to the pulsing beat. When the drawers are tossed aside, we are mercifully provided with a mosaic shot of Robbie’s shortcomings but not of his increasingly frenetic dance moves.

Only when Robbie PULLS BACK HIS SKIN, whisks it off, and swings it over his head like a lasso do the girls take a second look. It’s like Uncle Frank from Hellraiser gettin’ his freak on. NOW we get to see “Little Robbie” and it’s seriously nauseating. Pleased by the reaction he’s getting, Robbie then pulls off a pec muscle and both butt cheeks and flings them at the crowd and they caress the raw meat with sickening ecstasy. Faces spattered with blood and gore, the ladies flock towards Robbie and when he is finally down to a skeleton, the D.J. glides down and starts dancing happily with it.

I don’t think there’s anything I could add to make this whole scenario more offensive or foul. However, the disclaimer at the end does state rather barf-inducingly that “No Robbies were harmed during the making of this video.” Too bad.