The Automatik

I’m reeling from this Canoe article, “Sloan has carved its own musical niche” (scroll to November 3, 2001). I totally agree with Andrew Scott when he says, “I hate everything that’s out there. There isn’t a band on the radio today that I have any respect for.” And shame on you, journo Mike Ross, for insinuating somehow that strong, negative opinions are bad. I myself am sick to death of musicians and celebrities that have no business collaborating or even being friends pumping each other up to nauseating levels (no names mentioned, ahem, Ben Stiller and Limp Bizkit, Steven Tyler and Pink, Puff Daddy and anyone…shall I go on?)

Mr. Ross seems to ascribe to the belief system that if it’s popular then it must be good. Maybe that worked for The Beatles or The Who or even Nirvana, but take a good long look at the “sanitized, fake angst, fake punk, legitimate jock bullshit” that’s plastered over the Billboard charts these days and I think any sane person would come to the conclusion that idealism like that is ill-founded. Ooooh, so Sloan didn’t get asked back to Edgefest after their 1998 performance. Maybe I wasn’t there and maybe their set sucked, but who are the mighty arbiters of rock that determined they were “not generally considered the best band in the world” anyway? The same people that Chris Murphy interviewed who couldn’t come up with a decisive reason why Rollins “ruled” but were perfectly content to pump their fists in blind, drunken adoration? Again, I wasn’t there, but I’ve seen enough of that type of crap in my lifetime to know the score.

Ross goes on to mention the “surprisingly large egos” of the “four otherwise nice guys from Halifax.” Oh whatever. Maybe Andrew was just having a bad day. At least his anger has a source, unlike Mr. Ross who seems content to just rag on Sloan for no apparent reason other than their own self-confidence. And despite what you may believe, I’m no drooling sychophant; if Sloan did something sucky or stupid, I’d be the first one to rant about it. So far they haven’t done anything to warrant more than a rolling of my eyes. When Andrew calls himself the Archie Bunker who scowls at all the young whippersnappers, Mr. Ross uses this to further his agenda that Sloan are too full of themselves for their own good, saying, “Scott is 33 years old, by the way. God knows what he’ll be like in 10 or 15 years when we all realize that Sloan is the best band in the world.” Give me a break. It’s not like Sloan is Oasis and Andrew is a coke-snorting, illiterate blowhard like Noel and/or Liam Gallagher (take your pick here). Find somebody more worthy of your hatred to pick on. Just turn on the radio or MTV, I’m sure it won’t take long to discover a new target.

One question for Andrew though: It’s a given that Jay Ferguson is the token Radar O’Reilly of Sloan and that you would align yourself with elder statesman Henry Blake, but Patrick Pentland as Frank Burns and Murphy as Hawkeye? Surely Pentland’s razor sharp wit qualifies him to fill the scrubs of Dr. Pierce. But if Patrick IS Frank Burns, surely Murphy must be Hot Lips. Or perhaps he could just be Klinger…