The Automatik

The Shim Sham Club
November 29, 2001

I’ve seen El Vez and his Memphis Mariachi and El Vettes so many times, I can’t even remember how many. He always puts on a good show and I am always entertained, delighted, and frequently thrilled.

Last night was the “Merry MeX-mas” extravaganza, and, as El Vez shows go, it was a bit more tame than normal: he didn’t take off his shirt and he didn’t strip down to hot pants. However, the man continues to impress me, pulling pop culture references out of his bag of tricks and fusing them together in completely amazing ways. Only Foetus, Redd Kross and Beck can veer from genre to genre so seamlessly, and with such smart results.

Like any great El Vez show, there are many costume changes. First we were treated to El Vez the Toy Soldier, complete with military style jacket and red painted cheeks. A black glitter vinyl jumpsuit with white fur trim was another favorite, as was the green vinyl jumpsuit with white snowflakes (including the one, as El Vez pointed out, on his bum) and white “icicle” arm streamers. We even got to see El Vez the Angel for the encore, garbed in shimmery white and sporting giant feathered wings.

There were plenty of new tunes and some old MeX-mas favorites: “Chihuahua,” “Go Zapata Go,” “Oranges For Christmas,” “En El Barrio” and my personal favorite, whose name escapes me, the one that transforms Oasis’s “Champagne Supernova” into “souped-up Chevy Nova,” complete with El Vez channeling the famous Liam Gallagher microphone stance. He even managed to work PIL’s “Public Image” into “Feliz Navidad” and make it totally infectious.

He introduced one of the new songs as a cover of a Roy Wood song and I cheered and clapped involuntarily. Apparently someone else did, too, and he laughed and said that surely they were faking, they probably didn’t even know who he was. But of course! It’s Roy Wood! The familiar Roy Wood guitar riff trademark became immediately obvious, but then halfway through I realized what it was: “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday.” If you’re not laughing, then you’ve probably never seen the video which features saxophone-playing wizards and someone who looks like Gandalf crossed with the Abominable Snowman.

I have to confess I was a wee bit disappointed that El Vez didn’t have his catwalk this time and that he didn’t do that incredible cover of “Now I Wanna Be Your Dog,” partly because it’s so good and partly because he wore red vinyl hotpants and a jingle bell harness the time I saw him perform it two years ago. Even “El Groover” was absent. But still, a good time was had by all. And if you have never seen or heard El Vez, you owe it to yourself to check him out. You will not be disappointed.

Afterwards, it was the infamous “1984″ (80s night) at the Shim Sham and many of the show’s attendees stuck around. Soon, however, we were inundated with daiquiri-swilling squares who packed the joint, danced badly on the stage and generally made nuisances of themselves. The line outside went down the block but instead of hipsters it was people from the suburbs. Like I jokingly told Chris, “Hi, I’m Steve Rubell, and welcome to Studio 54.” Thursday nights are apparently wildly popular because all “The Hits” from the 80s are played in the early part of the evening. This inevitably results in packs of cookie cutter girls with trendy haircuts and mall clothes squealing when “99 Luftballoons” comes and reminiscing about their Junior/Senior Proms. I know I sound like a massive snob when I say this, and I’m sorry to seem so pretentious, but I don’t like 80s music because it reminds me of high school (which I in fact, hated). I like it because I like it and I’ve never stopped listening to it since the 80s. I don’t care if it’s hip or cool to like 80s music today, because I’d like it even if it wasn’t. In fact, I can remember a time when I was mocked with scorn and derision for “admitting” that I liked Duran Duran and Rick Springfield. And I don’t like Rick Springfield in some campy, ironic, let’s-make-fun-of-him way, I REALLY LIKE RICK SPRINGFIELD. I’ll get off my soapbox now.

I was standing by the doors to the back bar/dance floor talking to my friends Jeanne and Denver when two particularly drunk and annoying baseball cap-clad guys started trying to hone in on the conversation. Drunk Guy #1 began pounding a drumbeat on this box Jeanne was carrying (she was helping El Vez load his gear into the van) and we got really annoyed and told him to stop. Jeanne walked away in disgust, leaving me to suffer as Drunk Guy #1 grabbed my nose and started the whole “I’ve got your nose” schtick. I exclaimed rather stridently, “DO NOT TOUCH ME.” He wouldn’t shut up, but eventually Denver convinced him to leave me alone and he staggered off.

However, his friend, Drunk Guy #2, kept babbling on and getting in my face. Denver requested in a clear, firm voice that he go away and leave me alone but his only response was a slurred, “All you had to do was tell him (Drunk Guy #1) to go away, go away, go away.” Denver shook his head. “But you’re perpetrating it by still standing there bothering us.” The guy responded with a blank stare. Denver sighed. “But I’m sure you don’t even know what that word means.” Drunk Guy #2 said, in all seriousness, “Which one? �Go’ or �away’?” (I’m not even making this up.) So Denver asked me what I wanted to do and I said, “At this point, I’d rather be at the dentist’s office.” He laughed and we left Drunk Guy #2 to his own devices.

I hung out for a while hoping that some good songs would come on (sandwiched in between great stuff like The Human League’s “(Keep Feeling) Fascination” was complete shite like “Wild Wild West” and Information Society.). One truly hilarious moment occurred when “Wild Boys” came on and Ray aka “Ambrosia,” the gangly, bald male go-go dancer (who always wears black eyeshadow and blush, horns, feathers and bondage gear) was actually dancing to the song. If you’ve never seen Ray, you won’t know why this is so funny. When he’s in full “Ambrosia” drag, he looks just like one of the dancer extras/creatures in the actual “Wild Boys” video and I’ve been saying this for many months now. Awesome.

Another hilarious moment occurred when I heard a loud, “Oh shit!” in my ear and felt something hit my ankle. I looked down to see a giant plastic dildo-shaped drink container with a straw that some very wasted woman had obviously dropped. I don’t think I need to tell you how bizarre that experience was.

My friend Eliza showed up and we chatted for a while. It got later and later and I knew I should have gone home and gone to bed but I was totally hopped up on caffeine and having a really good time talking to her. Then all the suburbanites started vacating and the songs started getting really good. “Take on Me,” “Goodbye to You,” “Love is a Battlefield,” “Jessie’s Girl” and Peter Schilling’s “Major Tom.” Eliza and I both agreed that it was a great song but an obvious rip-off of Bowie’s “Space Oddity.” I recounted to her the interview from back in the day where, when confronted with the accusation of song theft, Mr. Schilling stated he’d never even heard the song. Eliza agreed that such a claim was completely preposterous and we laughed heartily.

We talked and talked and suddenly it was 1:00 a.m. and I knew I really had to get out of there (I am so exhausted today) and as I left, I could hear the strains of Depeche Mode’s “A Question of Time” in the background. Next time I have a Friday off, I am going to go to “1984″ and stay until the cheesebags leave and 80s dance my little heart out to the gems that Morgan always saves for late evening.

I completely forgot to mention: right after El Vez’s set ended, I walked outside for a breath of fresh air and ran smack into RICHARD GENE SIMMONS, who really does look like a combination of both. If only Jeanette had been there to appreciate.