The Automatik

Top Ten Albums of 2006
(Standard disclaimer: these didn’t necessarily come out in 2006; they are the albums I loved the most out of everything I listened to this year.)

1. Sparks, Hello Young Lovers
   If you think you know what Sparks sound like, think again. Hello Young Lovers is a tremendous album from a pair of brothers nearly as old as my own father. Take that, all you whippersnappers. And take that, all you old farts who should be taking notes. It’s funny, provocative, and (gasp!) touching. I can’t wait to see what these two come up with next.
2. Every Other Sparks Album I Obsessed Over
   No seriously. That’s what I listened to 80% of the time during 2006. Sparks has destroyed and perfected nearly every genre in pop music and still somehow always manages to sound like, well, Sparks. In their ironically titled “Music That You Can Dance To,” (from 1986) there’s a lyric that fits Sparks music like a crown fits a king – just a perfect blending of sex and noise. The jewel in that crown is a wit to which many aspire, but few attain.
3. OutKast, Idlewild
   Reviews of this album have been, unsurprisingly, less than kind. Outrageous ambition doesn’t always translate to genius in the collective short-term memories of today’s fickle music fans. On Idlewild, Andre and Big Boi (plus some very talented friends) tap dance and shimmy through a panoply of genres and styles: rap, hip hop, R&B, funk, rock, soul, blues, gospel, jazz, swing…sometimes seamlessly within one song. In “Hollywood Divorce” Dre’s answer to the Hollywood-ization of “fresh styles” that start off as a “hood thing” is that they’ll “just keep it goin’ and make new shit.” Let’s hope they keep their promise.
4. Meligrove Band, Planets Conspire
   I’ve had this CD since August 2005 but it was “officially” released this year. Planets Conspire has bottled the feeling of a Meligrove Band show – no small feat if you’ve ever seen them live. These guys always put on a fantastic show, whether at their sold-out CD release party in January or in the rec room of a local church last month. And that’s what I like most about them – they’re megastars in thrift store t-shirts. Treading that line can sometimes appear calculated and disingenuous, but they manage it with grace, humour, and yes, talent.
5. The Darkness, One Way Ticket To Hell …And Back
   There are those who have dismissed The Darkness as nothing more than a joke band or a Queen rip-off. Pshaw. Listen to them for more than five minutes and you’ll realize that despite the silly lyrics and Justin Hawkins’ ridiculous falsetto they’re actually rather talented – and clever. And they don’t really sound like Queen after all, more like a slightly-more-serious Spinal Tap. Now Hawkins has left the band due to a coke and booze habit that would make Elvis blush. How can they carry on without the silly lyrics and his ridiculous falsetto? Don’t do drugs, kids.
6. Breakfast on Pluto, Official and Unofficial Soundtrack
   Though I longed to do so, it was simply not practical to turn off, tune in, and drop by the theatre every day to watch this movie during its too-limited run this past winter. So listening to the soundtrack was the next best thing. There is something for everyone here: bubblegum pop, glam, torch songs, disco, soul, stoner rock, and even Irish rebel songs. And don’t forget The Wombles! Joyful, ridiculous, bittersweet and often melodramatic, it’s more than just the soundtrack to the adventures of St. Kitten; it’s a peek into her soul.
7. The Sam Roberts Band, Chemical City
   This is an even better album than 2003’s We Were Born in a Flame and I didn’t think that was possible. “A Stone Would Cry Out” is spare and gorgeous and “Mind Flood” is just what the title implies. Dispensing with his usual clever puns, Sam’s lyrics are no less engaging, particularly in the moving “Uprising Down Under,” where he encapsulates pop music’s power:

   Whoever said you can’t be saved by a song
   Whoever said that is stringing you along
   We’re all afraid to be dead and gone
   This will live on, it will live on, it will live on

8. The Grates, Gravity Won’t Get You High
   They may look like flower child leftovers, but their sound is a dead ringer for early 90s alternapop. Cute without being cutesy and clever without being coy, The Grates are a much-needed breath of fresh air. Unfortunately, you cannot see the outlandish acrobatics of singer Patience Hodgson on the CD, so you’ll just have to catch them live to experience them. Trust me.
9. The Bicycles, The Good, The Bad, and The Cuddly
   They have a song about themselves, they cover the Monkees unironically, and they have a great female drummer (who also sings). The Bicycles are bringing back fun pop music, one coordinated t-shirt at a time. If you like your pop music with whimsy and sweetness, you would do well to check out this band.
10. Christian’s T.Rex, U2, and Prince Mixes
    These are permanently housed in my glove compartment and if I’m sick of any of the other CDs in my car, one of these will always do the trick. T.Rex’s trad rock and roll works best with a touch of glitter and faerie dust. I had sort of written off U2 for the last few years but this mix reminds me of what good songs they have amassed. And Prince practically invented cool.

The Good

1. YouTube – I thought YouTube was just for idiots to post videos of themselves lip syncing to Top 40 hits, but when I realized otherwise, a whole new world opened up for me. VH1 Classic is amazing but you won’t see Alyssa Milano’s Team Steam infomercial there. And that’s just the kitsch factor. I cannot verbalize the feeling of rapture at watching videos I haven’t seen in twenty years. And I won’t admit the ridiculous number of times I’ve watched the Sparks performance of “Get in the Swing” from Top of the Pops, among other videos. All hail the mighty YouTube!

Cillian Murphy
2. Cillian Murphy (again) – I thought he was fantastic when I had only seen a few of his films, like the stunning Breakfast on Pluto and Batman Begins. Now that I’ve experienced the joys of Disco Pigs, Intermission, The Way We Live Now, On the Edge, and the incomparable The Wind That Shakes The Barley, I’m smitten all over again. I can’t wait to see Sunshine and Watching The Detectives in 2007!
3. The Wind That Shakes The Barley and The Prestige – These two films could not be more different – Ken Loach’s Barley is a gritty and low-budget while The Prestige, directed by Christopher Nolan, is a glossy spectacle. Yet both are dazzling examples of the remarkable transformative power of cinema, how deeply it can make us think and feel.
4. Cartoons/Animated Series – You used to be able to discover and rejoice in kindred spirits through non-mainstream music, but now that Alternative™ has been thoroughly co-opted, all bets are off. Cartoons and animated series are the new path to communal enlightenment through artistic expression, the forum where bizarre ideas, sharp social commentary, or biting wit come together to fill the gaping hole left by the loss of true alternative music. Gems like Harvey Birdman, Sealab 2021, Space Ghost, and The Brak Show may no longer be with us, but The Venture Bros and Robot Chicken are still going strong.
5. DJ Finish Him – Perhaps I am a bit biased; after all, I am married to the guy. But his gigs at the Video Game Tribute Night in April and the Meligrove Band show in June were two of the most amazing, fun-filled nights of my entire year.
6. Chappelle’s Show and Arrested Development on DVD – I was sad to miss these two shows when they were still in production due to my lack of good cable (Chapelle’s Show) and an inconvenient time slot (Arrested Development). And now I am sad because they were absolutely brilliant slices of an ever dwindling television pie, too good and too true to last. Better to burn out than to fade away, sang Neil Young, and he was right.
7. House, M.D. – Although some accuse the show’s formula – mystifying illness; House’s surly egotism; last minute twist; grudging acceptance that House is always right – of being too predictable, it’s hard to argue with such great television. This season went a bit off track with the rather implausible and annoying Tritter story arc, but “Son of Coma Guy” (episode 3.53) was as terrific as anything I’ve seen in years.
8. WFMU – Nothing could sum up the significance of New Jersey’s WFMU better than this quote from a 1997 fundraising brochure (as quoted in Perfect Sound Forever):
   

   At its best, FMU makes you ransack your own home in search of a blank cassette on which to capture the magic of our programming.

   Around since the 1960s, WFMU shows no signs of ceasing to be the most diverse, eclectic, and engaging radio station you will ever hear, run by true music lovers, not pawns of the music industry. WFMU, 91.1 – the only radio station you will ever need.

9. And I Don’t Want To Live This Life (Deborah Spungen, 1983) and POPism: The Warhol Sixties (Andy Warhol and Pat Hackett, 1990, reissued 2006) – And I Don’t Want To Live This Life is the story of Nancy Spungen as told by her mother Deborah. The destruction of a life by the media, celebrity culture, and the mental health system makes for one of the most profoundly heartbreaking and moving books I have ever read. Conversely, POPism, co-written by Warhol with diarist Pat Hackett, initially appears to be a supremely shallow yet astute account of a decade swathed in public misconception. Yet it turns out to be surprisingly profound. The wit of Warhol pal Paul Morrissey is particularly astute and eerily prescient.
10. Zip.ca – I’ve wanted to jump on the Netflix train for years, so Zip.ca is the ticket to my dreams.

The Bad

1. Maw Maw – This year we lost Maw Maw Alice, aka Alice Allenbach. She is missed tremendously.
2. New Orleans, Louisiana and the Mississippi Gulf Coast – I visited the area in May and again in July. No amount of photographs could have prepared me for the experience of seeing the devastation up close. There is simply no way to convey the gut-wrenching impact of seeing your hometown in ruins. As much as I hope that no one reading this ever has to endure a tragedy of such proportions, I also hope that this tragedy shocks people out of any illusions they may have about what really happens during and after a disaster.

3. Deaths of Barry and Bill Cowsill – Cowsills fans and family members hoped against hope that Barry, missing since Katrina struck at the end of August 2005, would be found safe and sound, but it was not to be. When Barry’s body was discovered in late December, it poured salt in the fresh wounds from Hurricane Katrina’s devastation. The news hit the press in early January and fans and friends of Barry’s mourned. Sadly, on the February weekend of Barry’s memorial service eldest Cowsill brother Bill also passed away. Great losses for both the Cowsills and the music world.
4. Racism/sexism/homophobia/general oppression – I’m continually horrified by how much the face of intolerance has changed. It’s more subtle, more insidious, and therefore all the more dangerous.
5. Copyright Wars – The internetz giveth and they taketh away. How disappointing to discover all kinds of great videos on YouTube and then realize later they’ve been removed due to “copyright violations.” If the artists themselves are doing it, fine. But in my dictionary, RIAA is a four-letter word.
6. Lost, Season Three – Why you gotta make me hate you, baby? Outlandish, poorly written plot arcs made five minutes of action last through multiple, gruelling episodes this season. The producers have decided that they will no longer show reruns in an attempt improve the pacing. This means we now have to wait weeks between new ones, essentially destroying the pacing completely. Good job, dudes!
7. Snow Patrol, “Chasing Cars” – I don’t listen to mainstream radio but this song stayed with me like a lingering case of influenza. It sums up much of what is wrong with music now: pathetic lyrics masquerading as “sensitive;” whiny, interminable vocals; and that quiet/bombastic/quiet dynamic which every single other band seems to ape shamelessly. I’d blame Radiohead, but really, it’s all Coldplay’s fault.
8. Grey Hairs – There’s a new one every other day. I’d stop colouring my hair but I fear people will think I’m a young-looking 50-year-old.
9. Neck and shoulder problems – the gift that keeps on giving. Feh.
10. The Fan-Dumb Menace – Oh, drama. Go away and never come back. And take all the idiot fans with you.

The Ugly
Celebrities are wearing on my last nerve. They think we care what they have to say because they have money, which was earned doing essentially nothing. Most of them have no discernable talent; they’re plastic puppets on strings (and some have had so much work done, they achieve roughly the same level of facial expression). Entitlement plus ignorance isn’t a becoming mix, and it goes beyond who one may be wearing. Hell, they have to pay people to tell them how to dress. The worst part is when they think they’ve transcended the “craft” to achieve the level of deity.

1. Rosie O’Donnell – News flash, Rosie – racism doesn’t end when one stops getting “teased on the playground.”
2. Madonna – Saving the world by stealing one African baby at a time.
3. Paris Hilton – Posing for photos in lingerie with her sister, legs akimbo – is she trying to outdo Karla Homolka?
4. Lindsay Lohan – You are not now nor were you ever “adequite.”
5. Britney Spears – They’re called panties – you can afford them now.
6. TomKat – XENU FOR GALAXY PRESIDENT 2008!
7. Will Smith – When he described meeting Nelson Mandela to Oprah and made it all about how good that made HIM look you know things have gone horribly, terribly wrong.
8. Brangelina – I don’t even know if they are truly jerks or not. I just know I don’t want to hear about or see them ever again.
9. Vaughnison/Vincifer – Are they dating? Or are they “just friends?” WHO CARES?
10. David Caruso – YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!