The Automatik

Miami Vice notwithstanding, I’ve got a serious 80s fashion fetish, one that has remained strong for twenty years. When I was a mall rat back in the day, my friend and I used to hang out at Merry-Go-Round every weekend our moms would let us. Even though it was dreadfully overpriced, it was THE place in the suburbs (The French Quarter downtown had BONGO) for cool 80s attire, and since it was close to the Wild Pair, shoes to go with your parachute pants were available right next door.

The real reason we hung out there, or should I say reasons, were Shannon, Cecil, and Buddy. Shannon was a lanky dude with a black Mohawk and Cecil had a rather Duran Duran-esque coif and was most certainly gay. Buddy was an enigmatic, quiet type and though he had acne scars, we crushed hard on him.

Although we were both twelve, my friend and I tried hard to engage the lads with 80s pop bon mots. Merry-Go-Round played pretty cool music, and one time, when Berlin’s “Sex…(I’m A)” was on, I made some crack about how it was a wonder that Terri Nunn and John Crawford could see eye to eye, seeing as she was so many things, while he was always “a man.” Then when the moaning started, I quipped, “Well, obviously they DO get along.” I remember thinking that was the cleverest thing ever. Ah youth.

The next year, that same friend and I were at my school fair when we spotted Shannon (why he was there I’ll never know). Of course, all of the parents and my boring classmates were horrified and scared, but we were giddy. It was as if Adam Ant or Nick Rhodes had showed up.

An even more bizarre encounter with the Merry-Go-Round crew occurred around the same time. My mother was in a dance troupe that was set to perform at the 1984 World’s Fair that was being held in New Orleans. Local hairdresser extraordinaire John Jay was involved, too, as he was providing models that were dressed up to look like pop stars (Boy George, Cyndi Lauper, etc.) as well as models sporting the latest 80s hairstyles. Turns out that Buddy was one of the latter.

One afternoon, I was at the dance studio, in the front office, talking on the phone, when Buddy walked in and took a seat. Inexplicably, he got up, and without a word or even eye contact, he crawled on the floor and started RUBBING MY FEET as I was talking to that same friend. My crush disappeared faster than a line of coke backstage at a Duran Duran concert. I was thoroughly grossed out and so was my friend. I still don’t know what the hell that was all about. It could have been the fact that I frequently wore a Flashdance-style Cats t-shirt, double stud belt, and a mini-skirt, but I think he was just a big freak.

Although there were no “fine” guys there, the other cool (and much cheaper) place for 80s attire was Stuart’s. I bought my very first concert outfit for my very first concert there: Adam Ant’s Friend or Foe tour of 1983. I wore some black pointy-toed flats, a black t-shirt with zippers, and the crowning glory, a pair of black and aqua leopard print trousers (which of course made me think of the ones Simon Le Bon wore when he auditioned for Duran Duran). I also had some black fingerless crocheted gloves. I thought I was the shit and for a twelve year-old, I suppose I was pretty damn cool.

Sadly, I cannot remember what I wore to see Duran Duran that next year. It must have been embarrassing or lame in some way. However, I do remember that the Cyndi Lauper concert took place when the 80s Day-Glo fad was at its peak. I spent weeks combing the mall for the perfect black and Day-Glo outfit, which ended up being a Flashdance-style (I was so into that look) black top and black pants and Day-Glo lace scarf, belt, fingerless gloves, bracelets, and earrings. I know for a fact that the earrings, which were green lizard-shaped plastic dangly things, were purchased at Express, back when it was not the poor woman’s Bebe.

I went with a classmate, but my best friend at the time was only allowed to go if she went with her older sister’s friend. Of course, she wanted the perfect outfit, too, but since she couldn’t find one, she thought it would be cool to make a dress. However, she couldn’t sew very well, so her dress ended up looking like a yellow satin pillowcase (picture the garbage bag dresses from Flock of Seagulls’ “I Ran” video and you’re getting close). Of course, with the right accessories, particularly a Day-Glo belt she’d purchased at the mall, the dress would look way better, she thought (and so did I).

Since the concert was on a school night, some sort of carpooling thing had to be arranged whereby the older sister’s friend would pick her up and bring her to her house right after school. When it came time to get ready, she was horrified to realize she’d forgotten the belt! Older sister’s friend sympathized but she was already wearing her own cool belt to the show. So my friend was stuck wearing some sort of colorful woven sash, which was way more Molly-Ringwald-in-Sixteen Candles than the look she was going for. She wanted to cry and die but had to save face in front of the older sister’s friend who already thought she was weird. At the time, it was one of the biggest crises in her young life (the other one was the fact that her mom wouldn’t let her go to the Duran Duran concert the year before).

I don’t have any of these outfits anymore (save the t-shirt I purchased at the Adam Ant concert itself), but I wish I did, especially that spike belt and the crocheted gloves (you just can’t find a good double spike belt anymore and well-made gloves are even harder to come by). That best friend and I tried to bring back 80s fashion in 1994 (can you imagine how difficult it was to find that stuff then?) and we were met with much derision, but we still kept on keepin’ on. When I see these whippersnappers wearing 80s clothes these days I get a bit misty, and annoyed that they just cannot get it RIGHT.