The Automatik

I just saw this article on Yahoo! News. Granted, their articles are pretty vapid, but this one is repugnant.

Don’t like Tiger? A few reasons to explain why
By TIM DAHLBERG, AP Sports Columnist Apr 9, 4:21 am EDT

AUGUSTA, Ga. (AP) – The bookies make him an odds-on favorite like no other, mostly because Tiger Woods is unlike any other. He tees off Thursday on mended knee in pursuit of a fifth Masters title, secure once again with his place in the game and looking as dominant as ever.

His will to win is extraordinary. His fellow players defer to his greatness.

And there’s nothing in golf better than seeing Woods have a putt on Sunday to win.

But there are those who enjoy watching Zach Johnson put on a green jacket, or maybe even harbor secret thoughts of Greg Norman finally burying his demons. Still others want nothing more than to see Phil Mickelson smiling on the 18th green once again.

Not many, maybe, because it can be lonely pulling against arguably the greatest player ever. Family and friends might not understand.

But there are reasons:

You can read the rest of the article here.

Some of the “reasons” are staggeringly obvious, such as “He’s Too Perfect.”

Swedish model wife, check. Two cute kids, check. Florida mansion and private jet, check. At a time most of America is struggling, couldn’t Woods throw us a bone and show us he shares our pain by blowing a four-shot lead on the back nine Sunday to lose the Masters?

What Dahlberg really means is, “How dare a black man have a Swedish wife? And be richer and more talented than the white guy who that white woman MIGHT HAVE chosen were Tiger Woods not around?”

In the section “He’s Too Scripted,” Dahlberg says:

Everything about Woods seems like it was pulled from some Hollywood movie of old, like the drama of last year’s U.S. Open, when he hobbled his way down the 18th hole on Sunday and then made a putt to force a playoff he eventually won. His comeback this year from knee surgery was true to form when he made an 18-footer in near darkness to cap a five-stroke comeback and win his last tournament. Nobody can possibly do those kind of things unless they’re drawn up in advance. Unless, of course, the name is Tiger Woods.

Poor Mr. Dahlberg. Couldn’t Tiger Woods make it EASIER by playing the role of the “angry black man” instead? How DARE he act with any sort of grace or refinement, particularly like those fellows in old movies, you know the ones made before the Civil Rights Act, when black men were relegated to playing the roles of butlers, rapists, dangerous primitive peoples. . . or no roles at all.

Tiger has also “won enough,” and really should step back according to Dahlberg. Yeah, Mr. Woods, let some white folks win for a change.The black people get all the glory in this world, right?

Of course, Tiger Woods also “scares people,” a characterization which I think speaks for itself, but if not, you can replace that with “white people have to cross the street when they see him coming.”

Dahlberg would love to see Tiger Woods step aside at the unbelievably decrepit age of 33 and let a few teenagers take the spotlight, like Rory McIlroy, Danny Lee and Ryo Ishikawa: a white guy and two Asians, just in case anyone was thinking Mr. Dahlberg might be (GASP!) racist or something.

By the way, I checked and Mr. Dahlberg is a white guy. One who should just stop writing sports articles if he can’t keep his racism out of them.