The Automatik

Kids on TV/Meligrove Band/A bunch of other bands we didn’t see
Streetsville Masonic Lodge, Mississauga
June 3, 2005

All-ages shows take me back to my wanna-be punk youth: grade school gymnasiums converted into crossroads of teenage rebellion, when Merry Go Round was for posers and Hot Topic didn’t even exist yet. I once suffered some jaded scenester who was turning his nose at the idea of sharing a slam pit with a fourteen-year-old, and then I immediately rallied to the defense of the kids who just love music and want to have a good time. Who do you think started it, anyway?
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Matthew Barber/Peter Elkas/Joel Plaskett
Hugh’s Room
April 30, 2005

The first time I came to Canada, Shaun took me to see Joel Plaskett. Mind you, it was a surprise: he bought the tickets, told me we were going somewhere, but didn’t tell me who we were going to see. So it’s only fitting that within the first month of my permanent move here, we see Mr. Plaskett perform live again.
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Sin City is an extraordinary film. It’s undeniably exciting, and so thoroughly engrossing, that while watching it, the film’s world becomes the real world. After leaving the theater, I felt discombobulated by reality, and could scarcely focus on remembering where I’d parked.

This is not a film for children. For this, I am grateful. Quite frankly, I grow weary of sharing my long-standing interests in things with the tweens of the world who often don’t even get it. Of course, they probably think I’m too old to appreciate The O.C., but that’s for another essay.
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I went to the mall last night. I swear, I think someone gave me the brown acid. And I’ve never taken hallucinogens. There were more freaks on parade than I can address in one sitting: the metrosexual tweens, the faux-Hilton sisters, the doughy white woman trying to impress her younger black co-worker by discussing Bernie Mac and Michael Jordan, the two hip-hop guys in matching brightly colored Disney character baseball jerseys, and many more.
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2.27.05

Hi,

I feel sort of weird writing this, since I never even met you. And what should I say? That like thousands of others, I listened to your music for comfort when I felt like shit, like when yet another relationship failed miserably? That I knew it was the only thing that could make me feel better?
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New Door Records, 2004

In May of 2004, Q Magazine printed a “Cash For Questions” column featuring Tears For Fears. Despite the magazine’s editorial flourishes, it was clear that members Roland Orzabal and Curt Smith aren’t exactly friends. When asked which of them is the best singer, each one unequivocally responded, “I am.” Orzabal went on to defend his past pretentiousness by saying that they are now “both humorous and pretentious, pretentious and middle aged. We’re both 42, after all.”

“But I look younger,” interrupts Smith. “Cunt,” retorts Orzabal.

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Would you still like The Beatles as much if they had been called, say, Lubricated Goat?* Probably not. One could argue that a name is almost as important to a band’s appeal as having a hot shot lead guitarist (that is, if you’re into that sort of thing). Here are ten of my personal favorite band names and why.
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Epic Records, 2004

Eighties nostalgia is practically a cottage industry now. Eighty percent of it is revisionist crap. Then there’s Duran Duran. Let me confess, I was a teenaged Duranie and except for a brief spell of cooler-than-thou shame, I never stopped being a fan.
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Top Ten Albums of 2004 (Once again, this includes new releases, old favorites, and just-discovered gems)
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Part of what kept me from going completely insane (or was I already?) during junior high was creating and sharing Duran Duran fantasy stories with my girlfriends, which we called “What-Ifs.” Like Homer, we carried on the tradition of an oral history: sitting on the bleachers near the tennis courts during lunch and filling in the other members of the group with the latest chapter of our lovelorn tales. Or, we would spin our yarns in marathon phone conversations (much to the chagrin of our parents). In these fantasies we were always older, taller, beautiful, independently wealthy, and harbored a hidden secret. A secret that we would try to hide from whichever Duran we were involved with in the story (which was usually at least two members per story)…a secret that threatened to tear us apart…or bring us closer together.
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